Yaoi Mansion
by I'll Eat Your Cat
Summary: Our favorite yaoi couples, including Dark Link, Draco, Sesshomaru, Kaname, Axel, Near, Vincent Valentine, and more live in their very own mansion. Major shounen ai, slash, yaoi, whatever you want to call it. Everything is too random for a summary
1. Chapter 1

"Holy.... son... of.... a.... cupcake....."

Dark stared in awe at the mansion before his crimson eyes; it was larger than every house and building in Tokyo put together, with clusters of sweet smelling orange groves around the hedges. Towards the back, the unmistakable ocean sized pool greeted his eyes, complete with several surrounding hot tubs. Father back, he saw the construction of a roller coaster, towering thousands of feet into the sky before twisting violently and spinning the cars upside down for hundreds of feet before turning right ways up and soaring over the roof of the mansion.

There was even a kennel for Dark's collection of kittens and Oni's hoard of purebred dogs.

"Well, I take it you like it?" Oni grinned.

A bit of drool was starting to form in Dark's mouth.

"H-How did we get the money for this bitch?!?!" he nearly shrieked.

Oni chuckled, and Dark blushed; how he loved that sound.

"Well.... We're not the only investors if that's what you're thinking.... Our "roommates" are inside...."

"Roommates? Who?" Dark glanced around curiously.

"Well.... who are our friends that we've been visiting at the college?"

Dark's eyes widened even more.

"Y-You mean-!?" he gasped, delight clear in his eyes.

Oni nodded.

"And they-!?"

"Uh-huh."

"And we-!?"

"Yes, Dark."

"SCORE!!!!" Dark cheered, throwing his arms around Oni in a sudden embrace that knocked the two to the ground. Dark was latching his lips onto Oni's before he could be startled, and soon, the kiss of joy turned to that of passion and delight, and after several seconds, to which oxygen was needed, they broke apart.

"Well, damn, Dark... If I knew large ass mansions with built in movie theaters turned you on, I would have bought one ages ago...."

To this, Dark only smirked naughtily and dragged Oni to his feet.

"So, can we go check this place out?!"

"Yeah, but I suggest we tour the bar first...."

Dark's drooling became more pronounced.

"Then what are we waiting for!??!"

The shadow demon lunged across the enormous field, running as fast as if his ass were on fire.

Oni rolled his eyes, smiling, and was about to tear as after his boyfriend when a sudden ringing in his pocket alerted his attention to his cellphone. Flipping it open, he answered, "Watcha want?"

A smooth, velvet voice answered from the other side of the phone. "We're gonna be over there soon, Oni."

"Sure, fine. Don't forget to bring the XBox 360... I'm in dire need of videogames...."

"Dark's there, right?"

"He's already torn in ass into the house...."

"Okay, I take it he likes it?"

Unable to contain his smile, Oni replied, "He was elated."

"Has anyone else showed up yet?"

"Nah, not yet," Oni shook his head, though there really was no point. It's not like pressing a phone to your eye would allow you to see the other person at the end of the line....

"Oh, ok. Well, me and my uke-"

"HEY!!"

"-will be over rather soon. Oh, and we're bringing the Wii, too..... I so totally want to pwn you at Super Smash Bros...."

"Good luck," Oni scoffed.

"Well, go tend to that crazed shadow. See ya in ten."

Reception cut off, and Oni tucked his phone within his jeans and raced after Dark, who by now was probably in God knows where in that mansion.

"I'm gonna have to put a tracker on that kid...." Oni murmured, stepping into the mansion. Crystal chandeliers hung atop the roof, elegant candles tucked away atop the shelves where Dark's favorite books and mangas were kept and Oni's videogames stored.

He strolled slowly along the beautiful tiled floor, footsteps reverberating off the walls. Dark could be anywhere in here by now.....

"HEY, ONI! I FOUND MS. YUKI!!"

Dark came zooming into the room and collided with Oni, an adorable calico kitten slippipng from between his fingers and atop Oni's head. Dark removed his entangled limbs from Oni's and yelled, "MS. YUKI HAD KITTENS!!!"

Oni rubbed his forehead, causing the kitten to tumble onto his back; it mewed in indignation.

"Dark.... Isn't she a little too young?"

"Noooo....." Dark disagreed, stroking the kitten's back.

Oni shrugged; "Well, anyways, it's not my fault Ms. Yuki gets pregnant, so don't come running to me cuz she won't care for them....."

"But Oni.... You would help me take care of them!??"

"If Yuki-"

"MS. Yuki, Oni."

"Okay, if MS. Yuki is a whore, don't yell at me...."

Dark thumped Oni a good one on the back of his head.

"MS. YUKI IS NOT A WHORE!!!"

Something between a laugh and grimace decorated Oni's face.

"So you'd help me take care of them if Ms. Yuki couldn't?"

Rubbing his head, Oni replied, "Yeah...."

And suddenly, the door bell rang.

Ms. Yuki sped off down the hallway, striped tail erect. Dark was instantly pelting after her.

Oni rolled his eyes, amused, and made his way to the door. He opened it without hesitation.

"About time you showed up," Oni grinned.

Peering around his shoulder where the retreating form of Dark was just visible, the guest responded, "Have your hands full?"

"You don't know the half of it."

The guest grinned broadly, fangs gleaming in the late evening sunset. He turned to his partner beside him who flipped his mane of shoulder length black hair.

"So, ready to totally have your ass kicked at Brawl?"

"You bet, Zero."

"Kaname? You up for a game?"

Kaname smiled wickedly; "Two on two?"

Oni's eye sparkled. "I think Dark would enjoy that."

**IEYC: Okay, so this is the beginning to Yaoi Mansion. Who are the others who are coming to see the mansion? You'll have to read to find out! But I will tell you this; nothing but YAOI YAOI YAOI COUPLES!!! Hmmm.... I guess you deserve to know from which fandoms....?**

**Legend of Zelda (You've already met Dark and Oni...)  
**

**Death Note**

**FFVII**

**Vampire Knight (you've already met Zero and Kaname....)**

**Inuyasha**

**Harry Potter**

**Black Cat**

**Bleach**

**Kingdom Hearts**

**Naruto  
**

**And you know what? There could always be more! So.... once you start meeting the Yaoi Couples, maybe you'll understand the connection between all of them....**

**Now, let's see some reviews, and I promise more yaoi goodness.....**


	2. Uh I think we found the morons

If you had stood outside the mansion the night Zero and Kaname had arrived with their Wii, you would have thought there was some sort of high school drinking party going on.... When in reality, it was only Zero and Oni versus and Dark and Kaname playing Super Smash Bros Brawl....

"GET THE FUCKING THING!!!" Dark roared at Kaname, his character making a noble lunge for the Final Smash before falling headfirst into an abyssal pit.

"WHAT THING??!!" cried Kaname, his fingers dancing rapidly over the controller's buttons.

"DON'T TALK TO MY UKE THAT WAY!!!" Zero snarled at Dark, whacking his character, which happened to be Kirby, almost into the path of Oni, who missed hitting Dark with the Final Smash by millimeters.

"HEY! I AM NOT A UKE!!" Kaname yelled, and Zero went flying off the screen as Kaname hit him spot on with the Homerun Bat.

"Mew?" Ms. Yuki sauntered into the room, plopped down on Dark's lap, and began licking her leg. Any other time, Dark would've scooped her up and stroked her and cooed her until she wanted to file for sexual molestation, but this time, Dark completely ignored the adorable calico kitten on his lap, sweat beading down his neck.

He had one life left, Kaname only had two.... Zero just got the Final Smash and had three lives.... And Oni still had all five lives in tact.... And.....

"HOLY FUCK, ZERO! STOP WALL RAPING ME!!!!" Dark screamed, as Zero let out a flurry of attacks by Ike's sword that influenced Kirby to bounce back and forth against the wall, looking as Ike were, strangely, trying to rape Dark's character....

"ONI!!!! GET THE FINAL SMASH!!!" Zero commanded frantically, giving Kirby one last blast that sent him into the peace of the other world.

And Kaname, fearing the combined powers of his boyfriend and boyfriend's best friend, jumped into the abyssal pit after Dark twice, ending the war.

"WE WIN!!!" Zero cheered, clapping high fives with Oni. Dark crossed his arms, pouted, and stroked Ms. Yuki silently. Kaname gave Zero a furtive glance before blushing.

"Oh, don't worry, Kaname," Zero whispered, drawing the black haired vampire in a hug. "We'll make you get better."

Kaname's blush deepened.

"Wow...... It's one in the morning....." Oni yawned, standing and stretching. "I'm going to bed..... Are you coming Dark....?"

Dark flashed him a naughty grin and replied, "Oh, yes. But Ms. Yuki's coming too....."

Oni rolled his eyes, but smiled.

The two trumped up the stairs wearily, eyes still glazed from hours of playing video games, and at the top of the stairs, they paused. The hallway that greeted their eyes seemed to stretch on into the oblivion; there were uncountable doors along the walls, and neither demi-god nor shadow demon knew which door would lead to their bedroom.

"Uhhhh... how about this one?" Oni suggested, pausing at a random door.

"Sure!" Dark grinned; Ms. Yuki wriggled in his arms.

Dark took the doorknob and flung the door open.... and stood gaping with his jaw against the floor for what seemed like several minutes.

"Holy..... son.... of.... a......CUPCAKE......"

Dark's crimson eyes were larger than moons, for what met them even stunned Oni:

An enormous bed, about a quintuple king size bed with jet black and scarlet bedding, was positioned in the far left corner; a crystal door led out onto a balcony, which from the view they received informed them that they were several stories high, giving them a perfect view of one of the roller coasters more violent upside down twists; in the center of the room, a stainless white marble hot tub waited, lavishing soaps and scented oils along the edge; next to the vast plasma screen T.V. there was a vibrating couch of the most luxurious appearance.

"That is one magnificent cupcake....." Oni breathed in Dark's ear, stepping into the room, dragging the shadow after him.

"Hnnnn...." Dark drooled, eying the glorious bed; he flushed deeply when he felt Oni's hand slide across his rear, and heard him murmur, "Well..... I'm rather tired.... Wanna try out that new bed?"

"I was waiting for you to ask....." Dark grinned.

/////////*********//////////

CRACK.

"Gert yer fert out ov my merth....."

"Well, if you'll get your ass out of my face.... No wait, you can keep it there...."

"Merfoy, I cern't breath well...."

"Oh, fine...."

Dark and Oni jolted awake, eyes flickering around in the darkness. Muffled voices were coming from the closet, and, frightened, Dark sunk under the blankets....

And suddenly, there was something on top of him.

"HOLY FUCKING CUPCAKES!!!!" Dark shrieked, eye to eye with a teenage boy with bright green eyes obscured by a pair of glasses, untidy black hair, and a lightning shaped scar on his forehead.

"INTRUDERS!!!!"

And Dark lunged at the person atop him, knocking him and the intruder to the floor, tangling them within the blankets and sheets. The other intruder and Oni fell atop Dark and his partner, and as Dark bit down on the person's shoulder, he felt Oni's hand whack him on the back of his head.

"Dark! Stop biting him! It's only Harry and Draco!"

The rustling stopped, and the four teenage boys disentangled themselves from the blankets on the floor and each other.

Harry sat up, rubbing his shoulder. "Owwww..... your teeth are sharper than Draco's....." he groaned.

Draco and Oni stood, arms crossed, as the two black haired boys pulled themselves to their feet.

"Well, Oni.... This wasn't exactly the welcoming we expected....." Draco laughed. "But I suppose we should warn you when we're Apparating into the house....."

"Yes.... that would be smart...." Oni smiled weakly, rubbing the back of his neck apologetically. Ms. Yuki scrambled out from underneath Dark's rear, hissed in indignation, and wound herself around Harry.

"Well, we might as well get you guys a room....." Oni gazed around the room sleepily, suddenly remembering the infinite hallway, and added, "Just Apparate to some random room in here, and whichever one you like, take it....."

Harry and Draco shrugged, took hands, and as they disappeared with a CRACK, the two demons snuggled back under the blankets together. Oni wrapped his arms around Dark's chest, and just as he was about to whisper goodnight to him, they heard from several floors below them in the bathroom, "DAMN IT, MALFOY!!!! WHY DID YOU APPARATE US INTO THE TOILET?!?!?!?!"

//////////*********/////////////

The next morning, Oni awoke as the obnoxious rays of sunlight pierced his eyes, and, stretching grumpily, he crossed the large room over to his dresser, where, as he opened one of the drawers to retrieve an outfit for the day, a yell of shock splurged from his throat.

Curled up around Ms. Yuki in his underwear drawer was an ominous looking emerald green and silver snake. Upon seeing Oni, it hissed, awaking Ms. Yuki, who echoed the aggressive noise.

Instantly, Dark was awake and beside Oni, but not in the manor he had anticipated..... He stood stark naked, a blanket wrapped around him, hair fluffed out in a millon directions.

"Ms. Yuki!" Dark cried, watching as the snake curled around the kitten again. But Ms. Yuki only laid her head down on the snake's side and purred, bright blue eyes closed happily.

CRACK.

"Is Aya in here-? AGH!"  
Harry and Draco shielded their eyes, as they caught an eyeful of Dark's exposed rear.

"Aya?" Dark asked, wrapping the blanket around him fully, cheeks tinting pink.

"Our snake....." Draco moaned, rubbing his temples, as if to cleanse his mind of the sight of a naked Dark Link.

"Ummmm.... in here....." Oni motioned to his underwear drawer, and Draco, clearly seeing what was contained within it beside the snake and kitten, gave a kind of blush and murmured, "You can keep her for now....."

//////////*********///////////

It was a miracle that, by noon, all six teenage boys were dressed and ready to go to the mall.

"Ms. Yuki needs new kitty litter and food," Dark had announced over breakfast, when Ms. Yuki, who had finally woken up from her nap with Aya, complained quite loudly that she was hungry.

"Well.... I was thinking of getting that new Harvest Moon game....." Zero rubbed the back of his neck.

"Oh yeah! And I want to see if they still have Mario Kart for the Wii!" Kaname put in, slipping his jacket over his shoulders.

"Well then..... let's go!" And Dark snatched the keys out of Oni's hands and raced for the garage; he was knocked to his knees and robbed of the keys before he could open the door to the BMW, and pouted sulkily as Oni, Draco, and Zero dragged him into the backseat with Kaname and Harry.

Oni sped off towards the mall, Zero fumbling with the music until he selected something by Slipknot.

As the car was flooded by the screaming and snarling of the song People = Shit, Oni pulled into the mall parking lot as close to the store as possible.

"Me, Zero, and Harry are going to find some video games, okay Dark?"

His hand brushed gently across Dark's face.

"Fine...." Dark sighed, and he, Kaname, and Draco crossed over into the pet section of the mall.

"So, cat food first?" Dark's eye scanned the shelves until he found a bag of cat food. Snatching a cart, he threw it in and then added a ton of kitty treats, a collar, a new bag of kitty litter, and a kitty toy filled with cat nip.

"I never thought you'd be the type to get a cat high...." Draco laughed, chunking a bag of snake food (I don't really know what snakes eat....) into the cart. Kaname rolled his eyes and said, "You know, it would be cool to have a goldfish....."

Draco and Dark shot him the WTF look and the exited the mall.

"Well, we'll just go meet the others in the video game section...."

As Dark, Draco, and Kaname reached the video game section, they saw Oni's arms overloaded with video games, Zero filing through a Nintendo Power and Game Pro magazine stack, and Harry busy playing one of the previewed video games on display.

"Yo, we got the pet stuff....." Draco motioned to the cart.

"Hey, is that Halo 3?" Kaname's eyes glinted, and he snatched the game from Oni. "Sweet, I've been wanting this game for a while...."

"What about Resident Evil 5?" came a new voice behind the group of teenage boys.

It matched a redheaded boy with emerald eyes that were covered with a pair of goggles; he had a lit cigarette between his lips, much to the clerk's disapproval who continued to frown at him, obviously wishing there were a no smoking sign somewhere nearby, and a striped shirt and strange looking vest. His arms, too, were ladden with video games.

"Hey Matt!" called Dark, pushing through everyone to greet Matt.

"Sup everyone?" he inquired, dumping the video games into Dark's cart.

"Nothing. We all just moved into the mansion," Oni said, moving forward to deposit his load in Dark's cart. "When were you and Mello coming over?"

"Oh, today actually," Matt replied, taking a drag of his cigarette before letting out a ring of smoke.

"Then where's Mello-?"Draco asked, stepping forward, but no sooner did he speak did they hear a harsh voice behind them bark, "Matt! Are we leaving?!"

A thin, wiry blonde headed teenage boy dressed in all black leather stalked forward, several bags of purchased chocolate in his arms. His eyes fell on the boys cluttered around Matt.

"Oh. They're here!"

Mello dropped his bags, too, in Dark's cart.

"Dude, can I drive the BMW?" he pleaded Oni.

Oni shook his head.

"Fuck you to hell...." Mello growled.

"Hey! That's my job!" Dark interjected, and the group laughed.

"Well, if we're ready to head back-"

"Oh, so you'll ignore us?"

Three girls were advancing on the eight boys, noses slightly bloody.

"Kumori? What're you, Akane, and Nami doing here?" Zero asked, eye brows creased.

"Well..... you could sound more grateful to the girls who invested the most money in Yaoi Mansion...." Kumori sniffed.

"Yaoi Mansion?" Draco blushed.

"Of course....." Akane grinned. "We wanted to see you guys happy..... so we're the ones who had the idea to build Yaoi Mansion!"

Nami giggled; "Of course, we will be moving in with you guys...."

"Why is that!?!" chorused the boys, blushing madly.

But the three girls only continued to grin slyly.

"Shall we go home now?" Kumori suggested, wheeling the cart towards the cashier, the boys following hastily.

"We're in yaoi heaven...." sighed Akane, and Nami and Kumori grinned in agreement.

//////////************//////////

**IEYC: I see not many people are giving this fic attention..... And for those of you who read and don't review, I WILL EAT YOUR CAT WITH MUSTARD AND KETHCUP OF YOU DON'T REVIEW. . . . Hmm... or maybe even Teriann sauce!**

**Anyways, we've met Harry&Draco and Matt&Mello this chapter, along with three strange girls that the guys obviously know....**

**So, who exactly is Kumori, Akane, and Nami?**

**Don't worry; they're not Mary Sues, and they will **_**NOT**_** be involved in Yuri.... Or with the guys in any sort of romantic relationship. This is YAOI Mansion, you know....**

**So next chapter, we're looking at some action from Final Fantasy VII, Inuyasha, and Death Note (unless plans are manipulated by the aliens.... And you know aliens are real.... XD)**


End file.
